I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
