dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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