he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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