before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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