I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
