I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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