Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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