walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
