You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
