i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
