best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's great music for shaving your balls
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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