My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
