I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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