awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
