Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
