You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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