I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
