I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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