I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
