sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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