I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
