Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
