i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
