Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
