her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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