I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
