this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
