You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
