Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Duck Duck Cougar?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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