Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
