Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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