Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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