i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The adults are the big ones right?
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