apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
