Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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