FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
