im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
