the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
