There is no way he is gay with that hair.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
