I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
