Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
