Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
