my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
