I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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