i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is Oprah even human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize