Don't you send me to vm
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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