You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
