hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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