I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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