Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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