Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
