I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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