I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"