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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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• (714): View more from California

  my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life

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• (646): View more from New York

  I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (+26): View more from

  And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.

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• (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just the budget?

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough

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