Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat