Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.