Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
