ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
