I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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