Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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