Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
