I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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