You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
