oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
