We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
