1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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