so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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