im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
