when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
