On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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