i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He better not be in your backpack
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize