I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
