the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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