you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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